Thursday, March 10, 2011

Day Nine -1,017


Kalpana Chatterjee, Holi Festival, India, 2010

Caste

Here, it did not matter what color your skin was. It was impossible to tell, anyway, with the chalky pigments dying everyone’s skin until we blurred into a rainbow of people. This festival occurred once a year, celebrating the advent of spring. The bulk of the festival took place in Barsana.

Above, the sun beat down on the bodies, intensifying the colors. Children ran, stuffing the dye into each other’s hair. Adults kissed scandalously in public, their dyes mixing on their lips. I turned in circles, embracing any pigments which came my way, smearing it on my body and in my hair.

“Shyamala?” Somebody had said my name.

I turned, the dye spraying from my hair. I wondered if it was possible I had misheard. Or perhaps my name had been said, but was directed at some other girl with my name. Then I saw her.

“Shweta!” For a moment, I rushed towards her for a hug. Then I remembered we had not spoken for two years. Checking myself, I sobered my expression and looked her over. My stained hands fell to my side and I let a small smile settle on my lips. “I did not expect to see you here. It has been so long.”

“Nor I, you,” she said. “How is your family?”

“They. . .they are well, thank you. Makur has started at university. He is enjoying it very much and sends me letters to tell me what he has learned. He is studying to be a doctor and wants to go to America. It is very impressive and he has many opportunities. I almost did not make it here. Mother had me doing chores all morning and last week so I could come here. How are you parents? Is your father still ill?”

“He passed away, actually. A few months after he was diagnosed. The doctors were unable to do anything at the advanced stage he had reached. My mother is doing well, though. It was not easy for her but she is managing fine. Plus we received a fair amount of money for our loss.”

“Oh, Shweta I am so sorry to hear this.”

She placed her hand on my arm, the red dye on her palm staining the blue there.

“Sweet Shyamala. It is funny, you know. As children we did not realize how our names contradicted each other.”

“Shyamala,” I said my name, sounding out each part. “Dark-skinned.”

“Shweta,” she said, “light-skinned.”

I looked at Shweta seriously for a moment. Then I stared down at the ground. Some water had been spilt at my feet, darkening the dirt. It leaked into a small stream, infecting the surrounding lighter sand.

“Yes,” I agreed. “Funny.”

“Have you had anything to eat yet?”

“I am not very hungry but I was considering buying a thandaai. It’s so warm today. I got thirsty than I thought I would.”

“Would you mind if I joined you? I have not had a thandaai in so long!”

I shook my head. “Of course not.” I squeezed my little bag of money, trying to feel if I could even afford a thandaai. I thought how bright red my skin would turn naturally, bursting through my dark complexion, if we arrived at the vendor and I could not pay for my drink.

I found I had just enough to have a few coins change after. We found a rock to sit on, our knees knocking against each other’s while we sipped our drinks.

For a while we just sat quietly, watching the children throw colored dust at each other, laughing and coughing. One boy pushed a girl to the ground. For a moment, she looked as if she were about to cry. Then she stuck her leg out and swung it around, tripping the boy and letting him fall to the ground. He screamed, apparently in anger, and struck the ground with his fists. His eyes narrowed and he bared his teeth.

“We used to play like that,” Shweta said, rubbing her hands on her clothes. “Your brother, too. Running around and smashing each other up. So violent,” she said. Then she paused for a moment, staring into her drink. “Gosh, I’m such a mess.” She laughed. “You, too,” she said, running her finger down my cheek, exposing my true skin. She took it away and there was green powder on her fingertip. She stared at it quietly then wiped it on her clothes again, smearing the dust on the fine cloth.

I finished my drink, still staring at the children as if I were sleeping with my eyes open. It was comfortable in some way. To my left, dye flew through the air, creating hazy rainbow clouds overhead. The mess of bodies seemed to squirm together like a box of candy worms, flinging themselves about. I licked my lips, tasting remnants of the dust.

Over to our right was a small spout spitting out spurts of water.

“I’m going to go rinse my hands. I’ll be back,” I said.

“I’ll come with you,” Shweta said. She stood up with me and walked over to the fountain. We rinsed our hands together, bumping them. My hands ached with the icy water. Still, this did not distract me from the incredibly noticeable difference in our skin colors. It struck me that I had been foolish not to have noticed it as a child, even. I should have known that our relationship would not last.

“I think I’ll go back to the festival,” I said. “It was nice seeing you.”

“Yes,” Shweta said. “Come and visit soon!”

We both knew I would not. I would not be welcome in her neighborhood and she might be attacked in mine for her wealth.

“Please send my respects to your mother,” I said.

“And mine to your parents and brother.”

Then I nodded and left Shweta sitting on the rock where we shared our last drink. When I turned around to look one last time, the clouds of dye had already fogged the space between us and I could not see her anymore.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day Eight - 1,013


Edward Hopper, Summer Evening, 1947

Sarah

“Hey, Sarah, wait. Wait up a second, will ya’?” Oliver jogged after Sarah from his truck to the front of her house. He kicked up the dry dirt behind him, creating a cloud of tan dust. Despite his athletic build, he ran jerkily and ungracefully, his arms flailing a bit.

“I’m sorry, Ol,” she said. “I suppose I’m not very good at all of this.” For a moment she stared down at her feet and then back up at Oliver. Her blue shoes seemed to blend in with the cement, as if she had melted and become a part of it.

“What? Good at what? No, you’re fine. Really.” He looked at her encouragingly. “Really,” he repeatd.

“I don’t know, Oliver. Maybe we ought not to see each other again.” Sarah leaned back onto the wall of her porch, placing her palms flat on the surface. “You know? I just feel like. . . .”

“Naw, Sarah. You’re just a little shy is all. It’s no problem. Look, I had a lot of fun tonight, alright? And I want to do it again. Besides, I was shy once. I suppose most people are at some point. You just grow out of it is all. But the only way to do that is keep trying, putting yourself out there. Make sense?” He leaned toward her while he spoke, attempting to engage her in some sort of response.

“Do what exactly?”

“Sorry, what?”

“You said you wanted to do ‘it’ again. What is it?” She slid her eyes to his, waiting for an answer.

“Oh, I don’t know. Carnival’s supposed to be coming to Portland next week,” he said. “Thought we could go there for a day. Show you off a little. Or we could do a movie. The beach. Whatever you’d like.”

Then she wrapped her arms around her stomach. “This isn’t me,” she said. Sarah let her neck bend, gazing down at the cement floor of the porch.

Oliver knew she was referring to the outfit. “Oh, I don’t mean like that. I just mean. . .you know, on my arm or whatever. My girl. Make sure everyone knows, I guess. I’d like to go steady, you know?”

“Maybe, I don’t know,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Well, I’ll call you in a few days or tomorrow or something and you can let me know what you’ve decided. No pressure, alright?”

Sarah nodded, hanging her head some and sighing.

“What’s wrong, Sarah? What’s the matter? I want to help, you know. I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to, but I just want to help. Really.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Just. . .feel like a mess, I think.”

“You think?” he asked.

“I don’t know, it’s hard to tell. I guess it’s just one of those things you have to experience yourself to really understand. Does that make sense?”

Oliver stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well, no, but I guess I can accept it.”

Sarah sighed. “No, see. . .you don’t understand. I don’t suppose you really could. I think I ought to go inside now. My parents. . . . And my sister has school tomorrow so I can’t wake her up.” She glanced inside, apparently trying to find a clock. “It’s only ten, now. Hopefully she won’t be asleep yet.”

“You sure, Sar? I’ll listen, if you want me to. Long as you need, too.”

“Yeah,” she said, smoothing her skirt down. “I’m sure.” Then she turned to him, but kept her head down for a moment. She grasped his hands in hers. “Thanks, Ol,” she said. Sarah placed her hand on his shoulder for a moment and looked him in the eye. Then she sighed and dropped her hand to her side.

“Well, sure, but what for?”

The sound of the crickets in the yard filled the silence. Still, Oliver found himself shifting his weight slightly while he watched Sarah.

Sarah looked up at him and gave him a slight smile. “Just thanks.”

“Oh. Alright, then. I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Sure, sure. I’ll be here.”

“Sarah? Oh, hello, Oliver.” A round woman appeared at the doorway, wiping her hands on a rag and sniffling some. She looked Oliver up and down once.

“Hello Mrs. Larkin. I hope you don’t mind me keeping Sarah out so late. Lost track of time, I guess. She’s a sweet girl.”

“Yes,” Mrs. Larkin agreed. “She’s very special, my Sarah. Not too late at all. You should have stayed out later – ‘til two, even! Why, when I was Sarah’s age, I’d be out until dawn half the week. Never did get much sleep in my younger years. You see I’m paying for it now, but,” she leaned closer, as if giving away a big life secret, “I think it was quite worth it.”

Oliver nodded.

“I’m glad she has found some company in you, though,” she said. “Always moping about the house this one.” Mrs. Larkin gestured to Sarah with her thumb.

“Dear, dear Sarah? She couldn’t!” A tone of subtle defense entered his voice.

“Oh, this girl could cry to match Noah’s flood! Anyway, I best be off. Bit more cleaning up to do in the kitchen. G’night, Oliver.”

“’Night, Mrs. Larkin.”

Mrs. Larkin waddled into the house again, still wringing her hands in her rag. She made a turn to the left and then was out of sight.

Sarah hid her face in her hands for a moment, breathing deeply. “God, I hate her.”

“I’m sorry,” Oliver offered. He held out a hand apologetically. “If I thought my Mom’d be okay with it, I’d offer you a bed at my place.”

“I’m alright,” she said. Again, Sarah smiled strangely.

“So I’ll call you tomorrow then?” he asked, grasping her hand now.

“Yes.”

“Great.” Oliver leaned forward and kissed her cheek. Sarah’s eyes were squeezed shut tight when he pulled away. She nodded, as if she had just understood something completely, something she had been trying to figure out for a long time.